I have a confession to make. I have been looking at the bottoms of other women in the gym. In a sideways, hope they don’t notice me staring kind of way.
Not just bottoms either. Calves, abs, toned arms. The way that they rock their lycra while I look like an over stuffed sausage in mine. I have body envy. In particular, I have bottom envy.
I want their bottoms. Not their actual bottoms. I am not quite that weird. I want one of their bottoms for myself. I want my bottom to look all pert and dimple-free. I want to have the sort of bottom that makes women like me wish they had one. I want my bottom not to look like two planets colliding in a pair of pants.
I know that answer is, among other things of course, squats. The don’t call it a squat booty for nothing. Which is fine if your knees work properly but mine don’t. The last time I attempted a set of squats, I couldn’t get up the stairs at work for a week.
The answer to a better bottom also relies on other forms of exercise, and indeed, a better diet. I’m writing this sat down whilst sipping a latte. That probably won’t help either to be honest.
So ladies, if you see me looking at your bottom in the gym, please don’t call security. I just think you rock.